Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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