She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
