Umm I'm too high to move.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You can't special order awesome
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
