And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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