you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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