I want you more than these girls want KFC
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
