Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
