I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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