I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
