I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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