I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
