I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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