is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
