just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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