People in love make me want to vomit
so let's talk penis.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
