Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
