it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
