need another drink. this is the easiest way
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
