I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
