An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
