Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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