i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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