She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
