I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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