It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
