It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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