Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
