DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
