So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
