they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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