I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
