Swine flu. Run for my life!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
