I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
