she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
