nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
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