You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
