I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
