i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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