Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
