can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
