im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
