his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
