I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
