mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
