I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
