we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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