i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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