I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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