Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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