you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
